she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
