Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I can't turn off my feet"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
