Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
