My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
