New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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