either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
