I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Terrible idea I love it
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
