i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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