Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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