Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
my liver is dry heaving
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
