Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
