If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
