I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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