You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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