The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
