I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
