i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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