I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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