weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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