I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
