That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
