I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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