i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
