my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize