I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
