So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
