her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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