I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
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I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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