The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
