We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize