I think scott just propositioned me for sex
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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