She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
This house was built for laser tag.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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