Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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