I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
