I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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