spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
