operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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