remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
