So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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