just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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