Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
