I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
