shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
