Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Randomize
