well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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