So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
