i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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