Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
