I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
