Dude my mom stole all your condoms
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
