guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
