You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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