girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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