i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
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