I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
