Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
