you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
