Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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