I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
