you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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