Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
this is an emotional support booty call
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
