More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
