I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
