So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
