I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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