Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Oh god it's open bar.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
