what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
