ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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