According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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