I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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