oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
