dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Randomize
