Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
