I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
