Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
